Thursday, May 10, 2012

Journal Entry 50: Stubborn Sign


Deciding to go on a mission has been a very difficult decision for me. I had never thought about going until the summer of 2011 when I was talking to my friend Candace. And even then, it was such a hard conclusion to come to. I knew it was a good thing, but for me? I wasn't sure. I also didn't want to seem like that girl who is just going on a mission because she didn't get married. I wanted to go, because I was supposed to go.

This next entry is kind of the culminating moment of this blog. It's a very personal moment. I'll be leaving just a little out, but not much. 

"October 9, 2011
I am so stubborn. I've recently started considering a mission. I prayed about it and thought about it and listened at conference. I heard and felt over and over again that I should. But I don't wan to. Not that I don't think it would be a good thing and I do have a testimony, but I just wanted to live happily ever after...and I didn't want to miss a year and a half of Hailey or any of my family's life, I want to finish school, I want to save money... excuses excuses.
Picture from conference with my friend Wendy right before this entry
 So, even though I already had my answer, I basically said 'I don't want to go, but if you really need me to I will.. I guess'. SO I set up an interview with the bishop and today I fasted that he would know what to say.
So today I met with him and cried and couldn't stop and he pointed out that it was the spirit. I need to prepare for a mission and that I should stop second guessing myself. He even teared up and said he never cried, but he could feel the spirit too. He said the emotion was my sign.... I know I have a year, but it is so overwhelming.
I'll go where you want me to go.
Love Always,
My family and I during this time (on a Sunday when my brother turned 16 and became a priest)

 I started preparing from that moment on. It hasn't been easy though. I've gone back and forth on it several times and I've slacked in some of my preparing. However, I am incredibly grateful for that meeting with my bishop where I finally realized I needed to take this decision more seriously.
Love Always.

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